Can a marriage survive once you start looking at other people?
Discussion Corner — By NikhilBhide on March 11, 2009 at 04:31
stargazer76 asked:
My marriage is on the rocks he has a temper, we have been together for 4 years but I have just found that I have started to look at other guys and think of them in inappropriate ways, wanting relations with them. We have been separated for a while but I have been thinking of giving him another chance and trying to work the relationship out for our daughter. Will these other feelings go away if our relationship improves? Can it survive?
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Tags: Feelings, Marriage, People, Relationship, Rocks, Temper
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5 Comments
Yes. Definitely. But you gotta work on it (as you know, I’m sure). Consider counseling, prayer, talking it out.
Those feelings will go away. Once you seek a marriage counselor and really work hard on your marriage.
maybe you need to stay away a little longer until you start to miss him especially if he has a temper. You should not want your daughter to have to go through this. I am a single parent and I enjoy the time i have with my daughter alone without the confusion in my life. Its not so bad. Sometimes we as woman feel like we have to go back and work things out for the sake of the marriage and child, but if your not happy stay away for awhile, But be honest with your daughter and explain the situation. You be surprised how much they know and understand. Mine daughter shocks me at the time!!! take a breather for your sake especially when your eyes see other interest. This world is not meant to be unhappy its meant to live your life to the fullest and be happy.. You only have one!
The first hurdle is to control his temper.
Make it a contingency in your getting back to gether — he has to attend marital counseling AND anger management counseling. if he won’t go, it’s over.
AND, he has to give his counselor written permission to discuss his case with you, such as the counselor feels its appropriate. You must have the ability to call his counselor and ask, “How’s he doin’?” If he won’t give you this, then he can say he’s going, but he won’t.
And of course YOU need to attend marital counseling, using the same counselor, going together an dseparately as the counselor requests.
It is great that you want to give him another chance, but give him a chance at what — getting better, or just getting angry at you again? Without counseling for BOTH of you, it will be a lost cause to try to get back together and make it work.
As for you, concentrate on your marriage, and you won’t have any time left to look at other guys. This is the old “idle hands [heads] get into trouble” rule. If you are concentrating on making this marriage work, you won’t have time to think about other guys.
No, it won’t improve just because you give him another chance. It will be the same thing again, maybe worse.