Comments on: Do you feel marriage and becoming parents have to be a package deal?

By: * from the Great White North*

* from the Great White North* — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 16:38:44 +0000

I agree with the others, you need a loving and stable relationship but that does not always include legal marriage. My partner and I are not married but have a wonderful relationship that many of my married friends envy.
Marriages split up just as often and just as fast as other couples, only difference is the price tag. If my partner decided to leave tomorrow he will be gone.. I won’t have to pay someone thousands of dollars to have him out of my life.
We do have kids together, but we have a separate parenting contract taking care of them…. it is actually better than a marriage certificate because child support and custody and all those issues have already been agreed upon…
we chose not to marry because I am a status native canadian woman who has a legal right to live and work here…if I marry an american I have to give that up. and I rather not give up my native status so if we choice to move to canada and live there we can…. and we hope to retire there..

By: Janie J

Janie J — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 13:04:17 +0000

you dont have to have a baby yes moest of the time people who get married immediatly have children but my parents waited like over a year to have children to gt used to that they will always hasve eachother

By: GOING ON 3 IM BRILLIANT ME 7

GOING ON 3 IM BRILLIANT ME 7 — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:04:43 +0000

i believe a stable relationship with the parents is what is needed first, not necessarily marriage. i got pregnant at 19 years old, with my boyfriend of 2 years. we got married directly after, becuase it was the “right” thing to do. we divorced a year later-we weren’t ready. i think it depends on the people in question, completly. i am now re-married ( @29) and my hubby and i have our hard times, but we were ready and we can face all we need to together.
just becuase you are married doesn’t mean it is the best enviroment for the child. i have met & admired many single parents (myself among them) and i will continue to. in fact, i think from my expirience, it is worse to be married have a kid and divorce, than it would be to have a child and wait a little . im not saying i think everyone should get pregnant and then get married, it just depends on the parties involved. alot of people, my self included, need to get their heads on straight before they make huge decisions.
i think the worse thing for a kid to deal with is his parents fighting over financial, general dicsipline & upbringing, and petty crap that could have been avoided. that is never an enviroment for a child-
i do agree with proud texas mommy, getting married before you have children but not because you are having children. it would be ideal if there were no mistakes, but there are. even the precious, loving kind of mistakes that you never regret.

By: laura

laura — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 12:07:33 +0000

yeah i think marriage and parenting should be a package deal. in most cases, that is the ideal condition for raising a child. boyfriend/girlfriend relationships usually dont last long and if it is a relationship that will last long, you might as well get married

By: mrs. anonymous

mrs. anonymous — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 13:01:30 +0000

No, I don’t think that is true. Just because you are married doesn’t automatically mean you have to procreate, nor does it mean that you are ready or able to have a child. Though, I do believe in waiting until marriage before sleeping together/having children, but that’s my personal belief.
I’ve been married 8 months and have no plans on having a child any time soon, if at all. I love children, but do not have that overwhelming desire to have my own.

By: Proud Texas Mommy

Proud Texas Mommy — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:35:49 +0000

I feel that it does have to be a packaged deal. That is the way God intended it to be, so that is the way I believe it should be. Love, marriage/sex, then children.

If the marriage is a healthy one, then it will ensure a healthy upbringing for the child(ren). I strongly believe marriages would be healthy if people followed the traditional save *** for marriage and then marry before children. This is the most effective way, in my opinion, to secure a loving stable relationship therefore you can raise a stable, healthy family.

By: Common Sense

Common Sense — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 07:51:50 +0000

No, but children should certainly be discussed and
agreed upon by both parties before you get married.

By: It's almost over!

It's almost over! — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 17:20:27 +0000

I think that it would be best for you to be married to your BF or GF before starting a family together. I feel that way, because it shows a sense of commitment from both parts. Saying that they are in it together and for the long run. If you just have kids, the BF can leave at any time and so could the GF there is nothing really tying them down, they are not really in any kind of committed relationship.
And I don’t see any reason why if you want to start a family, why you wouldn’t get married. I would question why the person doesn’t want to ask you to marry them. And I am speaking more for those BF and GF who are together and are trying to have a baby. It’s different if the girl just gets knocked up on accident.

By: Aaron's Mom♥

Aaron's Mom♥ — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 12:03:56 +0000

I definitely don’t believe you have to be married to have children. My husband and I weren’t married when we conceived. We weren’t married when our son was born either. We actually decided to get married and did when our son was 8 months old. Being married isn’t a guarantee that you’ll be a good parent or that you child will have the ideal upbringing. The only thing that decides that is the choices we make as parents.

By: J-lynn

J-lynn — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 19:42:13 +0000

I believe it is ideal, yes, but not necessary.